I thought I would do so much better at writing on here than I have. Well, I'm picking it back up. Weight is still a constant battle for me. After really thinking about it for a while, I decided to quit Jenny Craig. I was really getting tired of the food, I was only 1/2 way through my goal, and the financial aspect of it was really draining me.
Now, don't get me wrong, I totally think it is worth it to learn how to be healthier and live a healthier lifestyle. I was just ready to try it on my own. I've done it for a year and just need a change. The good news is I haven't gained any weight, I feel relieved, and I'm a little richer each month because I'm not having to buy the food. The bad news is I dont feel like I have that person holding me responsible each week for how much I've lost, which hasn't been much since I've been on my own. So, maybe blogging on here more often will make me feel like I have someone watching me other than myself to see how I progress.
I feel like I've been mixed up lately. I don't feel like my thoughts are my own sometimes. I guess I mean, like the person I used to be. Of course, how could they? I'm not the same person I was 50 pounds ago and sometimes I dont know if I even know the person I am now. Right before I quit Jenny Craig, I started feeling like I was becoming the person I said I did not want to become. I actually started worrying what people think of me in terms of how I look. Rather than thinking about how amazing and wonderful a person I am (like I've always done), I started worrying more about how fat everyone who sees me thinks that I am. That is not me! I've never been like that before, EVER! My mom raised me to not worry what others thinks of my outside because the inside is what matters.
So, why do I care now? There are days I feel like I am the size of a toothpick (which I know is not true) and then there are days where I feel like I am that super fat girl I was 50 pounds ago and all of the weight is back on me and I'm the size of a Macy's Thanksgiving balloon (which I also know is not true because I'm wearing a size 14 compared to the size 20 I was so there is tangible evidence proving this wrong). But these irrational thoughts won't leave my head. I wish they would. I started Jenny Craig because I wanted to get healthy, not because I wanted to be the hottest thing in the room. So, why do I care now?
But all I can do is keep working on being healthy and losing another 50 pounds or more. I'm watching what I eat, working out (yay for Zumba!), taking my vitamins, and drinking my water.
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It's nice to have support when you're going through a lifestyle change, but it's even better when you don't have to pay for it! You know that you have lots of friends and family to help you through this. While I don't know if I can exactly "hold you accountable", you know I'll always support you and your goals.
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