Finally, some answers!

So, I went to the doctor today to talk to the pulmonologist about the nodule (spot) that was found on my lung. He was a super great doctor. He told me that he's not overly concerned about the nodule. That it is very common in people who grew up in Middle Tennessee because of the stuff in the environment and the air around here. He does want me to go get a chest CT to compare it and then go back in another 6 months from then to get another CT and if the nodule hasn't changed then I'm good to go. But he made me feel good about it.

The BEST news was he told me why my side hurts! This is the mystery that my other idiotic, uncaring doctor has been unable to answer for 3 months. He asked me what brought me to him and I went through the story and he asked me to show him where it hurts. As soon as I pointed to it, he touched where it hurts and told me what it was. He even drew a picture to describe it. Basically, the muscles that touch your ribcage are layered over each other like a woven basket. And he said the big long medical term for whatever it is, but pretty much he said that those muscles are irritated/inflamed and that's why it hurts all the time because it can't heal it. So he told me what to do ease the pain and said once that happens, it should be better. Wooo hoo!

Wedding thoughts

Woo hoo! I'm blogging again!

So, my current thought is about weddings. I helped my cousin's wife photograph a wedding this weekend. I had a blast helping and enjoyed going to the wedding and reception. I actually like going to weddings and seeing how different, unique and couple centered they are. I LOVE when a wedding and reception is a complete reflection of the couple and what they like and what their personalities are like. I've been to a lot of memorable and great weddings.

But then I started thinking about all of the weddings I've attended and been in.. A wedding is about two people become one (cliche' but you get my meaning). But how much time do the "2 become 1" actually spend together on "their" day. First, they each spend all day getting ready with their friends (not seeing each other). Then there's the wedding where they get to see each other for the first time. (Maybe 20 minutes). Then immediately after the wedding they'll take pictures together and with family. (Maybe another 30 minutes). Then they hit the reception together to cut the cake. (10 minutes). After they cut the cake, they disperse to meet and greet the people that came to see "them" on "their" special day. So, so far, on "their" day, they've spent an hour together. The whole shindig is about them, but they aren't even together. So then, depending on how long the reception is, they won't get to celebrate until later in the evening/night.

Now, I am not against weddings and I'm not saying anything bad against people who have weddings because everyone likes different things. And I love being privileged enough to be invited or asked to be in weddings. So please don't take anything I say to heart or in offense.

Maybe I say this because I know if I ever got married, I'd be the one paying for it since I'm "past my prime", so to speak in the South .But over the last 28 years of attending and being in weddings, I've pretty much decided I don't want a "wedding." For my personal feelings, I cannot justify spending boo coos of money on a 20 minute memory. The whole point in a wedding is that you are getting married. I want that to mean more than stressful planning and money spending. I'd be happy wearing overalls and flip flops instead of a big elaborate dress I'll only wear once in my life.

IF I ever get married, I don't want to have a big, elaborate wedding ceremony. I'd be completely happy having my immediate family stand there at the courthouse to witness me getting hitched in the morning (because you gotta have witnesses), spending the day with my hubby (because it's "our" day), and THEN having a HUGE reception that night with everyone who wants to celebrate our marriage (not our wedding).

Maybe I've just become cynical, but that is what would make my "wedding" day most like me and what I like: private and intimate focusing on the most important thing (marriage) and super fun and exciting and happy celebrating two people who are completely in love with each other and starting the rest of their lives as 1 (the reception).

This pain in my side has become a pain in the butt

Almost 3 months ago, I woke up nauseous with my left side hurting right under my rib cage. I also could feel a bulge. It hurt bad enough and I felt sick enough that I had my dad get me an doctor's appointment first thing Monday. I went and the doctor was clueless. She had blood work, an x-ray, and an ultrasound scheduled and gave me some Pepcid to see if it would help. Nothing helped and all of the tests came back normal.

I went back 3 weeks later for a check up and it wasn't any better. She gave me 800 mg Ibuprofen to see if that would help and told me to come back in a month. It didn't do anything to help. Nothing makes it feel better. I went back a month later and she scheduled a CT on my side, all the while saying that she doesn't think it'll show anything.

I had a CT on June 21 where I had to drink nasty barium sulphate and have an IV with dye in it. The technician told me that the doctor would have the results within a day and if I didn't hear from the soon to call them. I finally called them yesterday and when they didn't call me with my results, I called them back today. They had my doctor call me with the results. This is where my OMG, I'm scaredness began.

She said that the CT showed that I had evidence of having diverticulitis/diverticulosis. She said it looked like I have scarring where I've had it, but it's fine. She said she doesn't think this is why my side has been hurting. I hear this and think, ok, not the best, but it's ok. I'm not freaking out.

Then she said the CT also shows that I have a small hiatal hernia. I think, ok, a hernia, I figured. I'm still not freaking out. Just glad to know I haven't been making up ailments that she obviously thinks I'm lying about. I looked up hiatal hernias and I DEFINITELY have one. It explains the excessive belching and burping I have, the hiccups after I eat, and the acid reflux I have. Starting now, I am on a strict diet. I am giving up cokes of all kinds. It's something you can live with, but to ease the symptoms of it you (and when I say you, I mean I) need to lose weight, stop drinking and eating acidic foods, etc. BTW she also said she doesnt think this is why my side has been hurting.

Now here is where the OMG, I'm scaredness begins. She tells me not to panic because CT scans have become so advanced that they are able to find the smallest things now and it's probably nothing, BUT my CT showed a 1 centimeter pulmonary nodule. "I'm sorry, excuse me, what does that mean?" I ask. She says that it's a spot on my lung and more often than not they are benign, but that she is referring me to a pulmonologist who will monitor it, check it out, and see if it's something that needs attention.

First of all, ANYTHING that shouldnt be in my body but is in my body needs attention! Second of all, why the bleepedy bleep did you not call me a week ago when you had the results!?!?! I know you had the results! This has been going on for 3 months!!!!!! I know there are worse things that happen to other people, but this is happening to me and right now I'm just freaking out. I looked up what it means and everything I read is not good to me because I freak out when I read anything that says malignant. So, I'm not letting myself look up anything else until I see the doctor on the 13th. Surely it's nothing BUT like I said anything that shouldn't be there doesn't make me a happy person.

P.S. She also doesn't think this is why my side hurts. So basically, I'm finding a new doctor.
Deep breaths and prayer! That's what I'm sticking to until I know more.