Why? vs. What?

I've been reading different blogs this weekend (as has everyone else apparently) and it got me thinking (dangerous I know).

When you are fat/big/obese/overweight...whatever you want to call it, you always want to ask yourself why? Why did I get this fat? Why did I gain all of the weight? Why can't I lose the weight? Why can't I just eat what I want and be skinny? Why are my pants too tight? Why did I eat that extra helping of potatoes?

I'm sure everyone asks themselves why about many things in their lives, but it seems when people try to lose weighty they keep asking themselves why can't I lose the weight when I'm doing everything right? But like another fellow blogger has pointed out many times over the past week, if you are REALLY following your plan, then you should be losing weight.

So instead of asking ourselves why we aren't being successful, we should ask ourselves WHAT we can do to be successful? Instead of asking Why can't I lose weight, ask yourself, WHAT can I be doing better. Instead of asking why don't my pants fit, ask WHAT you can do to get those pants loose again. Instead of asking why can't I eat what I want and be skinny, ask WHAT you should eat always to be healthy. Instead of asking why did I eat those extra servings of food, ask yourself WHAT you could do instead.

Success is dependent on attitude. If we want to keep being down and asking why, our success will be poor. If we want to be upbeat and positive and ask what we can do to continue on the road to success, then we will get what we want.

We CAN do this guys! We CAN be successful! Now WHAT are you going to do about it?

Being Fat isn't Funny!

I think I have a touch of the stomach bug. I have not had a fun day when it comes to my tummy. I've drank boo coos of water today to make sure I stay hydrated, but the thought of food makes me want to puke...literally.

Anyways, so because I feel so icky I did something I usually do not do....I came home and have just laid on the couch. While laying on the couch, I've been watching tv. America's Funniest Videos to be exact. And I actually got kind of ill about it. Here's why:

They often like to put clips of videos together that have similar concepts. This group of clips were of people breaking chairs, getting stuck in chairs, etc. The common theme for all of the people was that they were big...aka fat. Now, I personally, do not find that funny at all.

Being fat isn't funny for the person who is big. I mean, would you laugh at a 1 legged man who entered a 3 legged race with a friend? Or would you laugh at an anorexic 55 pound girl who was so thin she could fit between bars that are 5 inches apart? No! So why do people find it funny if a person with a bigger butt gets stuck in a rocking chair or when their chair breaks underneath them?

And the thing is, skinny people probably think it's ok to laugh at the fat people who get stuck in or break chairs because the fat person is usually laughing too. But I'm sure the person stuck or laying on the ground doesn't really find it funny. Laughing it off is part of the defense mechanism I think most fat people use to cope with their feelings about being fat in a superficial world like ours. The funniest people I know are fat and it's usually because they are making fun of themselves because they know if they say it before a skinny person does, then it won't be as funny. You know, calling out the white elephant in the room, so to speak.

I dont know. Maybe this rant has gone off on a tangent. Basically I wanted to say, think before you laugh at someone who breaks a chair or gets stuck in one.  Just because they are laughing on the outside doesn't mean they aren't crying on the inside from complete embarassment and mortification.

A New Day

I had a great day. It started off by meeting two old friends from college for breakfast. I think I did good making healthier choices than I normally would make. And I drank a TON of water. I mean, I was floating before my food even came out!

After breakfast/brunch was over, I went to Dick's Sporting Goods to return some shoes that did not work for me. I had tried some of the Reebok toning shoes. They sure looked cute and felt ok when I tried them on, but wearing them all day or walking in them for a long time they made my feet hurt and really tired. So, I returned the shoes and got a pair of Asics (my favorite walking shoes).

After I got the shoes, I went shopping for some healthy food and came back with a bunch of fruit, veggies, and low calorie dinners to eat. So, now I'm set for my plan to lose weight. I reset my weightloss ticker with my starting weight being what today's weigh in was and then I decided to set a mini-weightloss goal for 10%.

And lastly, I emailed/posted a comment to some fellow friends who are losing weight about signing up for a 5k together. I think it'll be fun!

Insomnia leads to late night thinking

For whatever reason, I cannot sleep tonight. This seems to be a trend. I have the worst time sleeping lately.

Anyways, not being able to sleep leads to an overactive brain that starts thinking about things and usually winds up back at me (I'm so ego-centric right?)

This week I heard 2 things I found shocking and interesting all at once. I'll start with the most recent. Tonight while I was in my car, I heard the nightly trivia question. The question was: "What do 80% of men say they look for in a woman?" You wanna know the answer?.....Surprising to me, the answer was a woman who is fuller figured (to put it nicely). The guy said "Thin is not 'in' anymore."

I'm pleasantly surprised that this is the statistic. Hooray if it is completely true. I'm no rail of a woman, and never will be so maybe out of those 80 % of men, one will eventually sweet me off my feet. However, I am convinced that I must only know the other 20% of men who did not agree.with this statistic.

The 2nd thing I heard this week was on an episode of "Ugly Betty" reruns. I love that show (as superficial as it may be), but I was kind of....well I dont know exactly how to describe my feelings about the episode I watched. In short, Betty (the younger sister who wears braces) has a dream that she had perfect teeth and that it changed her entire life. Her older sister Hilda, instead of being gorgeous and business savvy, wound up being frumpy and a loser. Betty's fairy godmother (if you want to call her that) told her that in life there can only be one pretty sister and since Betty had perfect teeth which lead to perfect everything else, that left Hilda as the ugly sister. And the pretty sister is the one who gets everything while the ugly sister gets nothing.

So this got me thinking and I dont agree with this statement at all. I look at my sister and myself and, while her life does seem to be everything she wants while mine is lacking many things I want, I do not see us as 1 pretty sister and 1 ugly sister. I think we are both rather nice looking. Yes, I know I'm bigger than she is (always have been and probably always will be), but we are both pretty. So, I disagree that 2 sisters can't both be pretty or that 2 sisters lives have to be so drastically different from one another because of some law of the universe that only one of them can have what they want out of life or be successful.

On another note...tonight while Ive been laying here trying to fall asleep, I was thinking about what keeps me from being skinny. I really dont know. I watch shows where these people have a deep revelation that allows them to get over something that happened in their past that theyve been eating away the memories over. I can't think of anything that would be my reason.

My second thought about this was why is weightloss the one thing I really seem to fail at? I mean, I am so in control of pretty much everything  else in my life. I am very focused and driven at my job. I know I'm the type of person who puts everyone else first in my life and that I would drop whatever to help them out.

So, I don't get why I am not as willing to do that for myself. Or why I am such a control freak about so many things, except following and sticking to a diet. This is why I will never be anorexic or bullemic. I am not disciplined enough to control it or to stick with it.

Anyways, just some random ramblings and thoughts.....from an insomniac

Losing Weight in the digital age

Since I decided to start doing better at keeping track of what I eat and counting the calories for it, I knew I needed something to write it all down on. Well, this is the digital age, so I looked on my Droid for an app that would let me (for free) keep track of my caloric intake during the day. I found MyFitnessPal. And can I just say that I. LOVE. IT!

For starters it is FREE. Secondly, it is on my phone and my phone is ALWAYS with me so I can immediately put in what I've consumed to help me keep track of how many calories I've consumed. It also, lets me keep track of exercise and water and weight. It's just an absolutely great tool to have. Oh yeh, and you can look up ANYTHING on there and it will pop up so you can track everything you eat from anywhere you get it from.

Today I logged in every single thing I ate or drank. And although I went over my calorie goal, I am able to look at where I could have done better and know tomorrow I will do better.

I've also been looking up the number of calories in some healthy foods I like so I can make a menu and go shopping this weekend. The internet is my friend today!

Yay!

Goals

My motivation is back!!!! It's felt like a slow rumble of thunder inside me for a while to get back in "lose weight" mode, and now that thunder has finally hit me and I am gung ho about it.

I weighed myself on Friday and text my weightloss accountant (my sister) to let her know the number. I was bummed because it was higher than I wanted, so I made these goals for myself for the week: drink at least 3 big bottles of water every day, keep track of what I eat so I can keep track of calories and try to stay around 1600 a day. I'm also going to throw in there to work out at least 3 times this week.

Now, I've been getting pumped about these goals all weekend. I was in Smyrna/Murfreesboro for most of the weekend, which usually means I eat out the whole time I'm there. So when I got back home today I was going to take a shower and decided to weigh myself. I figured it would either be the same as Friday or higher, BUT OMG I was 1.5 pounds lighter than I had been on Friday morning!!! Happy day to me!

So now I'm super motivated! Ive got my water bottles ready to go for tomorrow. A semi-idea of what I'm gonna eat for the day to keep it in the calorie range and I'm already thinking about what exercise I'm going to do when I get home from school tomorrow. Yay me!

The Pity Party is now officially over!

ok. I'll be honest. Reflecting back over the past few weeks...ok, months, I see that I have been having a pity party for myself. It's not big secret that I've gained a good portion of the original weight I lost back. I mean, you can't exactly hide weight gain when you are out in public every day. So, yeh, just in case you are oblivious, I. Have. Gained. Weight. There! I said it, the secret is out.

Now, I finally was honest with myself that I had gained too much of my weight back back in July. I acknowledged it outwardly, but inwardly I denied! Denied! Denied! However, there is one aspect of my job that keeps me from deny to myself any longer that I have gained weight. My clothes! I want to cry every morning when I'm having to pick out something to wear because all of my pants are too tight. I can't squeeze into the 14s I was wearing at the end of last year. :( And I'm sure my shirts look awful with that spare tire I apparently picked up on the side of the road at some point.

Ok, sorry that last comment was a pity party comment. Here's the deal. I really have been feeling bad about myself and gaining weight. I've been talking about what I was going to start doing since July, but I haven't done a darn thing. Why? I honestly think it's because I do not want to admit that I've gotta start over, or just get started period. I keep thinking about how hard it was the first time, but then I think about how great I felt after I got in the groove of eating healthy, drinking water, and exercising regularly.

So, I took a step tonight. I contacted a nutritionist I know to see about getting some tips/help/ a giant push in the right direction.... Also, I read some great blogs tonight that I've been missing out on (Jessie you've reinspired me) since I've been so busy and that has really really REALLY got me motivated. Finally, my AMAZING sister sent me the sweetest, bestest, most encouraging text after she read my last blog.

So, now what? Well, baby steps, baby steps. I'm gonna work out a plan to be started ASAP. Since it's almost 10:45, I dont exactly have it worked out, but hopefully by the end of the week I will and I can get on target. Knowing people love you and support you and want to see you succeed for YOU makes everything worthwhile.

One of my goals is to blog daily. Knowing people are reading and anticipating my words will keep me focused. I will also continue to text my sister every Friday  morning after I've weighed in. She's my accountant (she holds me accountable). I'll continue to drink uber tons of water daily. And I think I'm going to take my friend Jessie's idea and sign up on Caloriecount.com to keep track of my calories along with keeping a little food journal to write down what I eat.

Ok, I'll work the kinks out in my plan more tomorrow. Time for some rest.

This is a Heavy post

So, recently I was watching some entertainment news show ( I think maybe The Insider). Anywho, they showed a clip about Wynonna Judd discussing her recent 60 + pound weightloss. She apparently has been doing some kind of brain thing where she just basically reconditions her brain to want to eat correctly, etc. The part that hit me was when they were discussing how she got to the point where she finally decided to make a change and lose some weight.

Here is where the heaviness sets in for me in this post. In the discussion about why Wynonna decided to get help, she said that some of the people close to her were talking to her and told her they felt like watching her continue to live like she was (meaning eating and being a fattie) was like watching a "slow suicide" and asked her what she was going to do about it.

Wow! I mean, what a way to look at it I guess. So, ever since I've heard that I've really been thinking about that. I mean, do people think that about me? I mean, I know what I should be doing, and I have the desire to eat better and work out, but for some reason I'm weak and I'm not doing it.

So I now I'm looking at myself trying to figure out why I'm not doing what I should be doing and how to get my rear in gear to get on track. It's just heavy on my mind and I can't quit thinking about it. I don't want to die because I'm making poor choices. Gotta make changes and gotta get started. No more excuses.