Insomnia leads to late night thinking

For whatever reason, I cannot sleep tonight. This seems to be a trend. I have the worst time sleeping lately.

Anyways, not being able to sleep leads to an overactive brain that starts thinking about things and usually winds up back at me (I'm so ego-centric right?)

This week I heard 2 things I found shocking and interesting all at once. I'll start with the most recent. Tonight while I was in my car, I heard the nightly trivia question. The question was: "What do 80% of men say they look for in a woman?" You wanna know the answer?.....Surprising to me, the answer was a woman who is fuller figured (to put it nicely). The guy said "Thin is not 'in' anymore."

I'm pleasantly surprised that this is the statistic. Hooray if it is completely true. I'm no rail of a woman, and never will be so maybe out of those 80 % of men, one will eventually sweet me off my feet. However, I am convinced that I must only know the other 20% of men who did not agree.with this statistic.

The 2nd thing I heard this week was on an episode of "Ugly Betty" reruns. I love that show (as superficial as it may be), but I was kind of....well I dont know exactly how to describe my feelings about the episode I watched. In short, Betty (the younger sister who wears braces) has a dream that she had perfect teeth and that it changed her entire life. Her older sister Hilda, instead of being gorgeous and business savvy, wound up being frumpy and a loser. Betty's fairy godmother (if you want to call her that) told her that in life there can only be one pretty sister and since Betty had perfect teeth which lead to perfect everything else, that left Hilda as the ugly sister. And the pretty sister is the one who gets everything while the ugly sister gets nothing.

So this got me thinking and I dont agree with this statement at all. I look at my sister and myself and, while her life does seem to be everything she wants while mine is lacking many things I want, I do not see us as 1 pretty sister and 1 ugly sister. I think we are both rather nice looking. Yes, I know I'm bigger than she is (always have been and probably always will be), but we are both pretty. So, I disagree that 2 sisters can't both be pretty or that 2 sisters lives have to be so drastically different from one another because of some law of the universe that only one of them can have what they want out of life or be successful.

On another note...tonight while Ive been laying here trying to fall asleep, I was thinking about what keeps me from being skinny. I really dont know. I watch shows where these people have a deep revelation that allows them to get over something that happened in their past that theyve been eating away the memories over. I can't think of anything that would be my reason.

My second thought about this was why is weightloss the one thing I really seem to fail at? I mean, I am so in control of pretty much everything  else in my life. I am very focused and driven at my job. I know I'm the type of person who puts everyone else first in my life and that I would drop whatever to help them out.

So, I don't get why I am not as willing to do that for myself. Or why I am such a control freak about so many things, except following and sticking to a diet. This is why I will never be anorexic or bullemic. I am not disciplined enough to control it or to stick with it.

Anyways, just some random ramblings and thoughts.....from an insomniac