Just call me Shredder

Haha! So, I got the Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred.  The idea is that you do this tape every day for 30 days and you could lose up to 20 pounds. When I bought it, I thought yeh right, but let me tell you what. OMG!!! All it is is a 20 minute NON STOP work out. There are three levels that you build up to.You do a warm up, three 6 minute circuits, that include strength training, cardio, and abs, and then a short cool down. My legs are immediately like Jello while doing the tape and then they feel like they are on fire. But it's a good hurt.

I did it on Monday and today. I plan on really sticking with it and doing it every day for 30 days to see what kind of results I can get. It goes by really quickly, which is always great. So we'll see how much I can "shred" in 30 days from today! If I just get 10 pounds, I'll be happy.

Also, I went to the gym today to work out on the treadmill. I thought I would give some running a try because, you know, normally "this" don't run. So I get there and find a nice cozy treadmill in the back hall where no one is, so there can't be any witnesses to the disaster I'm sure it's going to be. BUT I DID IT!!! I walked 1/4 mile, then ran a 1/2 mile, then walked 1/4 mile, then ran ANOTHER 1/2 MILE!!! For a total of a whole mile that I ran!!!!! I could have kept running I feel like, but didn't want to push it and decided that I'll just build up to it.

So, yay me!

Failure is NOT an option!

I'm still thinking of what I want to say about why I've let myself get so fat. The thing is that I just don't know how to put it into words. When I think about why, all I can think about is how comforting food has been. When you have no control over things, you have control over what you put in your mouth. And when you are the one in control, you put what comforts you, tastes good, feels good in your mouth. Obviously I did that. Although the control stops there because then it's a free for all and I just don't stop eating.

So, anyways. I'm still working on it. Thinking about it. Figuring it all out.

Today, we were out of school AGAIN! I am soooo ready for warmer weather it's not even funny. I have ALWAYS disliked Winter because I don't like the cold, but this winter has been really annoying with all of the snow and being trapped at the house. But being home has allowed me to watch Celebrity Fit Club and the trainer just said something I thought was great.

They were having to complete an obstacle course and one of the participants was the only one to reach the top of this contraption. The trainer asked him why and the contestant said because he thought they had to. The trainer said that that was a great way to look at because everyone else let quitting be an option, but that one dude didnt and that's why he succeeded. So, FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME!!!!

Which is why I went to the gym today and walked for 40 minutes. I want to be able to walk and not jiggle. I want to get to the point where I can run a whole 5k without stopping. I want to know what I look like in a healthy body. However long it takes to get to those points is fine with me, as long as I get there. And I will get there because failure is not an option for me

Disgusted

So I added this new ticker at the top of my blog. I like it. I like the quote it has. At first, I had my starting weight as my weight at the beginning of January when I started back on my "journey." But then I thought, I have worked hard just to get to this point. I've made a lot of changes already, so I want to see the difference from the very beginning of my journey (what I like to call when I was Super Fat) until I reach my goal weight.

Now, when I did this I didnt realize that it would list exactly how much weight I will lose from my super fat starting point to my healthy weight, but OMG!!!! That's a whole person!!! When I reach my goal I will have lost a whole person!!!! That disgusts me! I mean, like I am sick with myself that I EVER let myself go to the point where I weigh a whole extra person! And so far I've lost almost 43 pounds. It was 50 pounds, but when I quit Jenny Craig I gained some back from not using what I knew to stay on track. But 43 pounds!!  That is the size of some of the kids in my room. I mean REALLY! I have already lost a small child!

 All I can do is ask myself why.Why did I ever let myself get to that point? I've heard someone say, or I read it somewhere before, that the only way to get over what holds you back from losing weight is to confront what has happened to you up to that point and WHY you let it affect you enough to get you to where you are now. So, I am ask myself, "Why?" I'm going to have to ponder this question before I answer it. Because when I figure it out, I will deal with it, get over it, and move past it so that I NEVER weigh a whole extra adult person again!

Aggravation!!!!

Me thinking I don't look THAT fat anymore.

Me excited about my skinny calves.

And I'm not talking about the game. I'm talking about losing weight! I'm so irritated!!!! In two weeks, I have lost 1 pound. ONE POUND!!!!!!! Sometimes, I think that there must be some huge growth inside of me that weighs about 50 pounds and one day we are going to find it and I'll instantly be skinny once we remove it.

I have worked out at least 11 out of the past 14 days. I drink water constantly, eat fruits, veggies, count calories, Aunt Flo is not visiting. So I dont know what else to do to lose another pound! UGH!!!!

Today is the first day of the month, so I took my measurements. I lost one inch here, 1/2 inch there, for a total of 5 1/2 inches overall (this is measuring bust, waist, hips, arms, thighs). So yay for that, but good golly Miss Molly I want to see a 1 on the that scale!

The biggest part of my motivation is to be healthy. A small part is to look good. Now, I say small because I think I'm pretty awesome AS IS. I know that shouldn't mean anything to me but it does because for just once in my life I want to know what it's like to be in love and be loved. I know I'm loved by my family and friends, but you know what I mean. I know men shop by looks. I mean, I'm sure we all do to some degree, but I am not a dog! Or maybe I have a magic mirror and I see something better than what other people see. Who knows.....haha

I'm almost to the point where I dont give a crap anymore. Obviously I'm never going to be the size of "normal" people. And no matter how many crunches I do or how hard I work on having a flat stomach, I'm going to have a fat roll around my middle for the rest of my life I'm sure. And you know, I'm ok with that for me as long as I'm healthy. I don't even know what I'm wanting to say in this blog any more, soooooo. I guess I'll go sort some more thoughts and blog again later.

Oh yeh, I also made the mistake of looking on the Channel 4 website and they have finally posted the Subway Get Fit Challenge Finalists and their blogs and it aggravated me that I wasnt chosen. As with most things in my life, I was so close to achieving what I wanted and then let down. I think my problem is I have been unable to get out of my house for 4 days straight.......AAGGGHHHHH!!!