Where did I go?

I'm having a really hard time. I don't feel like myself anymore. I haven't felt that way for a long time. I really can't tell whether I'm just not feeling like my true self, or if I have changed into someone different.  I feel like, normally, I am a genuinely happy person, but lately I feel like the saddest person in the world. Yes, there are many things in my life that make me happy and events that have occured that I am happy about. I am happy for my friends and family who have had great life changes over the past year. But at the same time I feel sorry for myself. And that is just not the me I've always known.

I dont know what has changed to make me feel this way. I dont know if it's just a part of growing up and getting older and feeling more responsibility and stuff, but I don't like it. I don't like the person I am right now. I'm not happy with the way things are going for myself. I am very pessimistic about my own situations, whereas I used to be a very optimistic person. I am doing nothing and have nothing right now that I thought I would have at this point in my life and that bothers me. I have always wanted a husband and kids more than anything. I pray for them all the time. Of course, these things that I want are beyond my own control, but it's frustrating just the same.

What's even more frustrating is when I try to talk about these feelings and wants and all anyone can say is "your time will come. Someone is out there for you and you'll meet and get married and have babies, and blah blah blah." Really? How do you know? Did God come to you and tell you this? Did you talk in person and He told you that he's sending me someone? Did he give you a ballpark figure about when that is? That's what I want  to say to them, but I'm too nice a person to say it to their face when someone says that because I know they are just trying to make me feel better. But really, it's just a false sense of hope for me. It's like telling a kid that Santa and the Tooth Fairy are real for them to only find out when they are in 3rd grade that it was all a big, fat lie. And honestly, I've gotten to the point where I just don't believe it anymore.

I think these issues are part of my weight problem. Well, I know they are and always have been. I think about these things, it makes me sad, which leads me to try to find comfort in food that is not good for me. That's what I've always done. And the sadder I am about not having what I want, the fatter I get which definitely does not help attract a husband. I can't believe I'm even writing about this, but I really feel this is the issue holds me back from losing weight. And I know that it really is all part of my own mentality about the situations. I'm just being a whiney baby who isn't getting her way.

Oh well, there are always people with worse problems than my own. I am very thankful for the things I do have and the wonderful people I have in my life. I'm just having a funky kind of day.