Howdy!

So, here I am. Starting another blogspot blog. Why do you ask? Well, I've been losing weight since November. Weight has been a constant struggle for me my entire life. I didn't want to really put all that on my other blog. Yes, it is a part of My Life, and I will touch on it on the other blog. But I really want this blog to be just about my struggles, my wins, and all the in betweens of losing weight.

When I first started thinking about a name for this new blog, I was thinking acronyms. Now, to explain further. Since beginning my weight loss journey, my feeling of self worth has increased, my confidence has skyrocketed, and I have become a lot happier with who I am as a person. So, when I started thinking of a name I decided on Diary of a Beautiful, Independent, Gifted, Photogenic, Happy, All-around, Terrific Girl.

Now 9 months ago, when I first started losing weight, I doubt I would have said many, if any, of those things about myself and actually have meant it. Yes, I used to put on a good front that I had all the self confidence in the world, but I really didnt. It was a front, I hated what I looked like and how I felt about myself. As much as I felt I could look past it, I was always worried that people were only seeing my outershell instead of the person I was inside. I was also always terrified of going shopping for clothes because I just knew that they either (1.) wouldn't have my size, (2.) would only have super ugly old lady clothes, or (3.) would make me feel like Julie Roberts in the scene on pretty woman when they refused to help her at the department store.

Now that last one sort of happened to me once. 3 years ago, when my sister and 2 of my best friends were getting married around the same time, I went bridesmaid dress shopping with my friends. So here we are in a little mom and pop bridal shop and the girl who was helping us, I shall call her Ms. Snooty McSnootsnoot, made a comment. Now, at the store, when the comment was made I just laughed it off, but when you look back, those comments are the ones who give people complexes about themselves. My friend had found a bridesmaid dress she really liked for us. Ms. Snooty McSnootsnoot says to the other older lady working there in a hushed hushed voice, "I'm not sure we carry a size for her." and points to me. So, yes, I laugh it off and make a comment about being sorry they dont carry size tent, and I let it go. But here it is 3 years later, I remember that comment. And I always will because there are nicer ways to say you aren't quite sure that they have a size for everyone in the store, but they'll gladly look it up.

Now that was 3 years ago, when I was in a bad place anyways in regards to how I felt about my looks. Here I am 3 years later, 50 pounds lighter with more confidence in myself than ever before. I am by no means skinny or anywhere close to my goal weight, but I am at least working on getting there. 3 weeks ago, I went shopping for some clothes for school because all of my pants were too big (YAY!) So, here I am trying on some pants that are the smallest size pants I've worn since I was probably in junior high and feeling so great about myself. I come out of the dressing room, and the dressing room attendant (grant it she was probably in her 60s) says how great the pants look. Then she tells me I may want to think about getting a girdle. Now, (1.) why the H-E-Double hockey sticks do you say that to someone, (2.) RUDE! I don't care how old you are, dont say crap like that to someone. Now I am in a much better place about how I feel about my looks and I told her "Nah, I'm good" and just let it go and went and changed out of the pants (which I did buy).

Now, just for the record, I did not decide to lose weight because I want to be a total hottie (although I wont complain if I wind up being one). I did it for my health. I know that I'll never be the attractive girl that all the guys want and that's fine. But being healthy and being able to stay here on Earth to watch my sister's baby grow up, to have the relationships with my family and friends, and the make a difference in people's lives are the things that make me the happiest and are the most important things to me.

I hope this blog will enlighten people on how hard it is to be fat, to make the decision to change your entire lifestyle to become healthy, and to stick with it even on the hardest days. That's all for now. I hope you enjoy the Diary of a B.I.G. P.H.A.T girl. :)