Ok. So I've been fat pretty much my entire life. I know my family and friends love me no matter what, so that gives me confidence. Looking at myself and other "overweight" individuals, I have noticed that many of us have something in common. Humor. When you're fat, you want to take people's minds off of how you look, so you grow a personality that will outshine how big you are. You get to the point where you make fun of yourself before anyone else can so it's not funny if they do it. After 27 years, I think I've become pretty good at this. I also believe I have a great personality. I've made the internal more important than the external (which is a good thing I believe).
However, I am learning that the internal is not what gets you noticed or wanted. It's a sad truth. Even at my largest, I realized what guy would want to be with such a wonderful girl who was the size of a cow? So, now I'm 50 pounds lighter and starting to get a complex. I still have a great personality, and I now sort of have a figure. No, I'm not a stick, but I do look better than I did. However, there's still no guy. Now, to me, this means one of two things. I'm either still too fat for a guy to ever want, or there is something majorly wrong with me that I am completely unaware of.
I don't get it. And I really dont think anyone could ever understand what I mean, what I think, or what I feel about this issue. I absolutely HATE to hear people say that God has a plan and He'll put a man in my life when it's time. To me, that is so easy for people who are married, engaged, or have a significant other to say because they are not in my shoes. I swear, I will NEVER tell a single person that EVER if I am ever a not single person. And no, being with someone is not the most important thing in the world, and it does not define me as a person. However, it is something I want. I want to feel wanted and loved by a man. I want to have a significant other. I want to know what it's like to get a phone call just because or a random note saying hi. I want to have plans on a Friday night. I want to have someone who will hug me at the end of a bad day and just take all of the stress of the day out of me. I want someone who I can share all of this love I have bottled up inside of me waiting to get out.
If you know what I'm missing, let me know. But I please ask that you don't tell me it will happens when it's time and all the other PC things people say because I am honestly to the point of thinking that it will never happen for me. And if it's because I'm still chubby, don't tell me that either, because that will just piss me off that people will be that shallow to know I have a great personality, but since I have a spare tire on my waist, I'm not datable. I think that's a sorry excuse.
Sorry, I'm just ill thinking about it. I'm working hard here to lose weight, get healthy, look better and I guess I just thought it would make things easier
Thanksgiving Letter to the Family
5 months ago
The one thing you have to realize is that the guys that want the cute, skinny girls, usually just want cute, skinny girls. They don't want personality, intelligence, independence, a sense of humor, and a good spirit. They want a cute, skinny girl. Seriously. And honestly, do you want a guy that's really that superficial???
ReplyDeleteI know we have the Singleton conversation often. And no matter how I may commiserate, I'm actually very content with my life sans boy; it's the rest of the world that's not. But that's their problem, not mine. And you know that I think you're way too nice when people make comments about your being single ;)
Sure, we all get lonely, but that's what we have friends and family for. Seriously. I'm never too busy to talk to you when you're sad or even if you're just bored. More than likely, I'm bored too!
The point: Don't let being single define your life!! You have many great qualities and lots of other good stuff going on in your life. When you stress about not having a guy, that starts to come through. Don't let it make you bitter! Concentrate on yourself, not on what you don't have.